


When the dark sky fades to black

by unhookingstarswithoutpermission



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Bloggers & Youtubers
Genre: 2009!Dan at the beginning, 2015!phan, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Fluff, M/M, Sad!Dan, a little bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 04:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4333452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unhookingstarswithoutpermission/pseuds/unhookingstarswithoutpermission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is sad, and Phil is there to help. </p>
<p>“Dan bows his head and doesn't reply, but he knows Phil's the realest thing he has felt in the longest time. He doesn't give up on something – on someone – for the first time in forever. It's not the solution to his problems, but it's a good way to start.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the dark sky fades to black

**Author's Note:**

> It's just a little oneshot (?) I don't know, I felt like writing this and it turned out better than I expected. I'm not an English speaker so please help me get better (I'm still searching for a beta). Enjoy.

The rain falls like teardrops on the window. It's cold, but covering up with some blankets it's useless. It's always freezing, anyway.   
It's stupid, maybe, but Dan feels like he can't fight the coldness inside him from the outside. His blood has become similar to ice, and no blanket is warm enough to make it flow again. He tries to make himself smaller, to lose himself into the gigantic hoodie he's wearing.   
But he can't, even if he tries. It's impossible, he's not able to lose himself – to change himself – even though he wants to.   
He glances at the window again and sees dark, empty eyes watching him back. He turns his head away, but he's aware his reflection is still there. It never goes away. 

Hope is hard to lose. Dan knows this, because he's trying so hard not to have faith but he can't. He's still glancing at the rain, years later, and now that hoodie is long forgotten. He's losing himself in music and video games, it's easier.   
His headphones cover up the muttering of his thoughts, and he's glad for that. He thinks if he doesn't hear his problems, maybe they will get lost. And there's hope in that. Hope of standing up again, of starting living and not just surviving. It's a nice feeling, it warms him up like the time he drank a little bit too much and his mind was dizzy and relaxed, and there was nothing to worry about.   
Everything is starting to change under his hands, and he feels vulnerable like he has never felt before.   
He's always surrounded by noise, and he hasn't realized why he's so uncomfortable yet.

Hope is hard to lose, but he might be succeeding at least in this. He recalls badly what it tasted like. He remembers what smiling was like, but it's been a while since he has last smiled because he meant it. Something is not okay with him, and he has started to think he may be broken.   
He sees everyone else enjoying their lives, it's like they all know something he hasn't quite understood yet. And it's frustrating, because what's the point of living if he's doing it the wrong way?   
He's dizzy all the time now, his mind is numb and he doesn't feel anything. It's like everything he loved isn't so great anymore, and he's watching all of it falling off his hands like dust. He can't catch it, he's helpless.   
He hasn't managed to grow familiar with the light and the noise that surround everything else, everyone else. The light is blinding and the noise amplifies the frightening whispers in his mind. 

Dan's almost losing it. He's fallen deep down and he can't see how things could be any better.   
Then he finds a boy with charcoal hair that shuts out the lights and a voice so sweet it blocks out the noises. It's unusual, the way Dan starts getting better. It's thanks to a stranger who he's never seen before. His so-called friends mock him. They say there's nothing real, they say it won't last. They tell him to grow up and stop lying to himself, nothing good can come from the Internet.   
Dan bows his head and doesn't reply, but he knows Phil's the realest thing he has felt in the longest time. He doesn't give up on something – on someone – for the first time in forever. It's not the solution to his problems, but it's a good way to start.   
Their texts become more affectionate. It's the first thing they think about in the morning, the reason they go to sleep smiling at themselves. It's a good feeling, after all this time.   
The first time they Skype each other, Dan is struck to the bones by Phil. He's left in awe by every little thing, by the sound of his laughter and the wide smile made of pixels. Phil's eyes are as blue as ice and as sparkling as the moon. His eyes are all the things Dan loves.   
It feels almost like falling in love, and he doesn't care what kind of love is, as long as they get to be together. 

When they meet for the first time, they know the world itself – call it fate, God, destiny, it doesn't really matter – wanted this to happen. They are meant to be together, and it would have happened one way or another.   
There is no need to put how they feel in words, their first hug is more eloquent than everything they could say.   
Manchester is brighter than ever for the two of them, and their hearts are burning up like flames. They have fond smiles on their faces and they feel truly alive, maybe for the first time in forever. Dan feels distinctly the way his blood flows in his veins, ardent and fierce, when Phil brushes his hand against his and links their fingers.   
They kiss, finally, and life has a new meaning then. They can feel the desperate urge to be together on each other's lips, it's like a silent promise they both mean to keep. 

A couple years later, things aren't so good between them anymore. Dan's chest aches, Phil can't manage to keep his thoughts from the other boy.   
They almost don't talk to each other anymore. Not in the way they did before, anyway: it's impossible to avoid each other when they live together, but they're always talking so much without saying anything. It's become their greatest talent.   
Dan's craving for a hug, Phil for Dan's lips. They don't say that, either. They're way too proud to give up this way.   
They don't even remember why they've become like this.   
During the nights it's worse. There are still some nights when Dan goes through an existential crisis and Phil picks him up and takes him to bed. There are nights when Dan can hear Phil pacing through the room, and he almost gets up and goes talk to him. Almost.   
Things get better, slowly. One day, one's hand brush against the other's and neither of them stiffens. Not long after, they're smiling at each other again. 

It's winter. The rain has just turned to snow, the fire creaks slightly. They're on their couch, a blanket thrown on them carelessly. There's a film playing that neither of them is watching, Dan is nuzzled up against Phil's chest. He's taller than him, so it's weird to make himself smaller, but he loves it. Their limbs fit together in the same way they did when they first met, six years before.   
Dan's breathing along the beat of Phil's heart, it's comforting. Phil is holding onto him like on a lifeline, its grip tight and secure. He caresses Dan's hair and Dan melts a little, but he's not willing to move. Phil's embrace is dark and silent, and all the things he loves most in the world. Phil suddenly giggles, for no apparent reasons, and when the other boy looks up he catches his lips in a sweet, long kiss.   
It's perfect.   
Dan mewls against his lips: “I want to stay like this forever.” Phil leans in and pecks him again and again and again, even though he's grinning and it's awkward to kiss someone like that. “I want to stay with you forever”, he murmurs. Dan's eyes widen and his brows furrow.   
“You're not proposing right now. Are you?” he says.   
“Well, I haven't got a ring, but...” Phil replies.   
Dan attacks his lips again, until they don't know anymore where one's body starts and the other's ends. They exchange sweet, breathy “I love you”s.   
“Forever”, Phil whispers in his ear, linking their fingers together once again.


End file.
